Department of Strategic Cronyism

“It’s not what you know. It’s who you go to lunch with.”

Welcome to the Department of Strategic Cronyism — where appointments are made on the basis of *relational capital*, not intellectual merit. If you’ve ever published a groundbreaking paper that was ignored while someone’s old uni mate got the job, this department is for you.

Our Core Principles:

  • Personal Alignment is Pedagogical Achievement
  • Familiarity over Futurity™ – If we’ve heard of you, you’re already shortlisted
  • “Trust” over “Track Record”
  • References are optional — unless they come from the Vice Chancellor’s tennis partner
  • All interviews pre-decided by a mysterious “informal meeting” last Thursday
“She’s not qualified, but she’s a good cultural fit.”
– Real hiring panel minutes, probably

Our graduates go on to become Directors of Other People’s Work, Professors of Inherited Roles, and Senior Leaders in Not Being Challenged.

Academic Job Application

“Please fill in this form truthfully so we can pretend it mattered.”

Thank you for your application.

We’ve skipped the interview, and your appointment has been approved.
Welcome aboard, Professor of Convenient Alliances.